January 1, 2026

The day is upon us where we traditionally make resolutions for the new year. I suppose this observation could be titled, “Random Songs or Why I No Longer Make a Bucket List.”

There is a 14th century anonymous work called “The Cloud of Unknowing” and its message has been loosely interpreted to mean we humans need to surrender our minds and egos to the realm of “unknowing” and let life unfold as it will.

The struggle most of us have with this concept is the internal conflict between predestination and choice. Mostly, we want to have control over our lives because of being surrounded by sayings like these: “Lead, follow, or get out of the way”; “There are those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened”; and the ever famous “Carpe Diem.”

Notwithstanding medical/mental reasons for depression and unbalance, I believe most of our conflict and control issues are based on developing expectations and how we handle ourselves when those outcomes are unmet. Here's a superficial example: we see ads for a movie which show us scenes that excite us enough to pay to go to the theater. We expect to be entertained and have a positive experience relative to the money and time we invest. Yet, some will walk out feeling they did not "get their money's worth" while others may be thankful they could escape from the realities of life for a little while.

The late author, Colin Fletcher called this the “Expectancy Barrier,” when an anticipated experience falls short of its billing. And here follows a personal example: I saw John Denver in concert in 1979 in Rapid City, and he was on his "Thank God, I'm a Country Boy" tour. A lot of singing along and clapping of hands. Fast forward to 1986 and he was in Austin. I was excited to see him again, but the experience was so depressing...he talked to the audience about his divorce, about the loss of the space shuttle Challenger, and then asked the audience to stand and hold hands for a prayer for peace. I almost walked out and wanted my money back. He was no longer the country boy.

The root of disappointment in the expectancy barrier is that we think we have some control over the events in our lives, but once we come to understand we really have very little influence over them we get depressed. I was in an airport once and adverse weather (lightning was hitting the tarmac) had postponed our plane, and I witnessed one traveler arguing with the gate attendant stating that a rebooked flight "would not work for me!"

And a week ago I was standing in line at the grocers and I overheard the person in front of me tell the teller that her weekend outing was ruined because the "weather wouldn't cooperate." I supposed God should have checked with these two people first to see if they had plans. Go Figure!

To help reduce disappointing outcomes in the major things in my life, I no longer keep a bucket list. Yes, I still have places I want to see and things I want to do, but I’ve put aside all the AARP articles that have titles like “the ten places you need to see before you die.” You can substitute any other noun for places and have the same effect: ten books to read, ten movies to see, ten foods to eat, etc.

Now this doesn’t mean I’ve quite planning and have gone totally “what come may.” I still wear a seat belt when I travel, I still take my meds, and I look both ways when I cross the street. Besides, some of the things we do require planning to get a place to camp, to get a seat on a plane, or to get a room at a resort or a reservation for dinner. It’s just that because of traffic detours, broken water mains, flat tires, or over-booked restaurants I no longer have a particular expectancy about any outcome for these plans.

Here is an interesting experiment I did once on a solo car trip to visit a friend and his family. I loaded my iPhone with albums from musical groups I like, about 1100 total songs; however, instead of listening to the albums in any sequence or in their entirety, I set the music player to random. I left the music in the hands of chance as if I was listening to a radio station. Going through the Arkansas River canyon, Sheryl Crow popped up with “Everyday is a Winding Road.” When I left the town with my friends in it, Ann Murrey was singing “Hello My Old Friend” followed by Chris Stapleton’s “Old Frends.” Other songs that popped up on that trip were “Homeward Bound” (Simon and Garfunkel), “Rockin’ Down the Highway” (Doobie Brothers), and “Gentle on my Mind” (Glen Campbell). And yes, when I was climbing up Monarch Pass on highway 50, John Denver was singing “"Life ain't no easy highway, it's gravel on the ground.” In short, it seemed that whatever mindset I was in at the time, the music appeared to support it.

At 70-plus years old I’m taking what comes at me and adjusting plans on the run, although I would not sit by idly and watch the house burn while I have a fire hose in my hand, and I will keep my first aid certifications up to date, but I am starting to see most outcomes as Que Sera Sera.

Most of you are familiar with the Serenity Prayer attributed to Reinhold Neibuhr (1892-1971), but what you may not know is there are seven more lines that follow the three we see most often on plaques, cards, and coffee mugs.

                                                          “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

                                                           Courage to change the things I can;

                                                          And wisdom to know the difference.

                                                          Living one day at a time;

                                                          Enjoying one moment at a time;

                                                          Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

                                                          Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;

                                                          Trusting that He will make all things right If I surrender to His Will;

                                                          So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

                                                          And supremely happy with Him forever and ever in the next.

                                                          Amen.”

I can’t tell you who the “He” is in this prayer; perhaps it’s a personification of “the Universe,” “Karma,” “Luck,” or “Fate.” Regardless, I may choose my own path, and if my choice just doesn’t quite come out the way I hoped or planned, I’m learning to accept it as the way I’m meant to go after all. Remember, until the wind starts up even the clouds don’t know which way to go.

Best to all, and Peace.